I'm Sorry Papa
by The Killer Bunny
Summary: Ever since he was able, Rin Okumura drank on the anniversary of his father's death. It caused a lot of trouble for his brother and his friends, but no one had the heart to tell him to stop.


The burn of alcohol sinking down his chest was a pleasant feeling, though he never really liked the taste. He never drank much as a result, not finding an alcohol that he really desired. However, he always made an exception one day a year.

Rin couldn't always make it to his father's grave but he always drank. This was one of those days. He sipped the warm sake gingerly, wondering how many years it would take for memories to fade. Because there he was, nearly seven years later, and he still remembered every second of his father's death.

Rin glanced to his left where Blackie laid curled up on the table, pleasantly drunk with his own sake. He smiled a bit and patted the unconscious cat sith before taking another sip of his drink. He could feel his world tilting back and forth with the alcohol's influence.

"Ah…" He grunted, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I hate drinking…" Rin looked down at the clear liquid and he could remember the old man drinking some after dinner late at night when he thought they'd already gone to bed. He could see him lifting the small cup and Rin lifted his own in time with the playback of his memory. It made him feel like he wasn't drinking alone.

He slowly placed the cup down, his eyes unfocused as he gazed at the night sky hanging outside his window. What would his father say if he saw him like this? How would his father feel if he had been alive to see Rin now, an exorcist under his younger brother. Would he be proud?

"_Show me how much you've grown!"_

"I didn't… even get to show you anything…" Rin murmured miserably into his drink before he tossed back the remains, swallowing the hot drink.

"Nii-san." There was a weight on his shoulder and Rin tilted towards it, his head bumping against an arm.

"Wh'is it, Yukio?" Rin's words were slurred. He looked up and recognized that wrinkled brow of worry. He felt guilty. He didn't apologize.

"I think that's enough." Yukio took the bottle of sake and pushed it away before putting his hand under Rin's arm and lifting him up to his feet. Rin's legs were like jelly and his weight nearly completely fell onto Yukio. Yukio, however, seemed ready for it and didn't stumble, only pulling his brother's arm around his shoulder and leading him out of the room.

"Yukio…" Rin murmured as he stumbled along beside his brother. He heard him grunt in response and continued. "I wasn't… a very good kid…"

Rin nearly fell forward as their pace paused for a moment before Yukio readjusted Rin on his shoulder and continued walking. "Don't say that." Yukio's tone was clipped and short.

"I mean it." Rin pushed himself closer to his brother. "I said… I said bad things… I did a lot of bad things… I caused a lot of trouble for you and the old man…"

"You don't need to say anymore." Yukio's tone had melted slightly. It was softer. "Watch the steps."

Rin lifted his foot and they slowly made their way up the stairs. "I mean it…" he said again. "M' sorry. If it wasn't for me… If it wasn't for me, the old man would-"

"Enough, Nii-san. Please be quiet."

"Don't tell your brother to be quiet… I'm being serious here." Rin was much too intoxicated to catch the waver in Yukio's tone. He couldn't find the meaning behind the tightening hand around his waist and the way that Yukio didn't meet his eye.

They made it to the second floor and Yukio pushed open a door with his shoulder. "I have to go downstairs. You spilled a lot of sake again tonight."

"I did?" Rin frowned and furrowed his brow. He had tried really hard not to spill any but it seemed that he always did. "Sorry… You're always cleaning up after me…"

"It's fine. I don't mind." Yukio said as he laid Rin down on the bed. "I'm going to go now."

Rin looked up at his brother and quickly grabbed his sleeve. "Wait. Your eyes… They're red…"

Yukio's eyes widened and twisted his arm as he looked away, trying to break Rin's grip. "I'm fine. It's dark in here. You must be seeing things."

"Are you crying?" Rin reached up with his other hand and grabbed Yukio's lapel, pulling him down. "I'm sorry. Don't cry."

"I'm not crying!" Yukio pushed Rin back on the bed and pulled out of his grip. He stared at him for a moment before taking a slow, deep breath. "Please… Go to sleep, Nii-san."

"Yukio-"

"Go to sleep."

Rin watched as Yukio walked out of the bedroom, and closed the door behind him. Sleep. He couldn't sleep. He didn't want to sleep. He wanted to help Yukio. Rin sat up on the bed, his world spinning as soon as he was upright and by the time he gained his bearings, he was lying flat on the bed again. He tried again with the same result before he gave up, forgetting why he had wanted to stand in the first place.

_Did you ever get this drunk? I bet you held your liquor really well._ Rin smiled as he remembered the one time he was caught and a pink-faced Shiro chased him back to his bedroom, laughing and screaming the whole way. He didn't remember the old man stumbling even once.

"_Papa! Papa!"_

"_Eh? What is it, Rin?"_

"_Let's play, Papa! Yukio and I are booooored!"_

"_Play, huh? Okay, why don't we go outside?"_

"_Yeah, let's go!"_

Rin took a deep shuddering breath. When had he started crying? His pillow was already wet with tears and he turned to bury his face into it. "Papa…" he whimpered, "Papa…"

"I'm so sorry, Papa…"


End file.
